Phone Calls

The phone calls from my mom in the middle of the night range from humorous to heart wrenching. Currently she is in a Rehab hospital following a week-long hospital stay. Unfortunately the hospital stay ramped up her dementia to a whole new level. Previous to this stay she forgot things, would get confused and sometimes look at you with a blank stare. Now however, the stares are more often, the confusion is throughout the day and evenings have become a terrifying time for her.

Almost everyday at 5pm she will turn to us and ask, “am I going home with you?” We reassure her that she will be safe at the hospital and that we will see her tomorrow. This is very common with dementia patients and is referred to as Sundowners. After we leave she will call again to say that she wants to go home, we reassure her and she falls asleep.  Depending on the night, she may call up to 5 times. In the beginning I answered every call, but now I let it go to voicemail and just pray when the phone vibrates.

At times the calls are very humorous. She has told us that she has been kidnapped, that her bed is in the church chapel, and my favorite one, that she is in someone’s apartment whose name is R.N..

Unfortunately for her these are more than funny calls. They are her cries for help. Usually she asks that I come and get her, that she is scared and wants to go home. My heart has been broken as I listen to her plead over the phone. I can only imagine the torment that she is going through.

This morning’s call gave me some insight to the prison that she is locked within. “Jann, this is your mother, I am downstairs in the basement. I am in my bed and I can’t get out. Please come and help me!”

The Lord helped me see through this call that she feels desperately trapped and alone. How I wish that she could take in and fully grasp how much God loves her.

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge —that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:18-19

We all have fears that hold us captive. For my mom it is the fear of being alone and not in control. These fears manifest themselves in our actions and thoughts. I also have fears that hold me captive, fears of failure and disappointment. These fears however can be conquered.

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5 

Taking every thought captive is difficult but is necessary if I want to be free!

I have to admit, that there have been times that her calls are an inconvenience and I have not wanted to answer. Today my heart has been changed. My mission is to come alongside of her and bring her comfort when she is fearful and remind her that she is loved and chosen by God. He alone can free her from her chains.

You are not forgotten! Jesus has already set you free.

When Jesus saw her, he called her forward and said to her, “Woman, you are set free from your infirmity.” Luke 13 :12

God desires to set us free from the things the take us captive, Thank you Father for setting us free!

Free at Last

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

There has been much said about what Christians should and shouldn't do. I am grateful for God who has given us the gift of choice. When we were forgiven of our sins we were set free from the power that they hold on us.

Think about that. Sin has no, absolutely NO power on us because of Christ's sacrifice. Why then do we place ourselves willingly back into it's grasp. It is as if we say, "I miss you, come and play!" We know that sin has consequences, it separates us from experiencing God's best in our lives and yet we mingle with it any way. We are truly confused. Now lest you think that I am not preaching to myself, I am well acquainted with this dance .

There have been many years that I thought I was not good enough. 

Not good enough to be included in certain groups

Not good enough to be considered popular

Not good enough to be blessed by God

Not good enough in what I wore, how I looked, how thin I was

Not good enough as a mother

Not good enough as a wife

Not good enough at my job

Get the picture? I struggled with this for so long. It was painful and it caused me to do some really stupid things. Thanks be to God that he saved me from this and began to teach me that He could set me free from all of this if I would give it to Him. Easy enough I thought, so I lifted my hands and said take it from me, I don't want it anymore. It felt great to be rid of that weight, that burden that had been dragging me down.

Notice in the Galatians verse it says, "Stand firm then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by the yoke of slavery" As easily as Christ had taken that burden from, I began to put it back on. Every time I allowed myself to compare myself to others instead of following What God had for me, I placed a weight on myself.

I began to cry out to God, Why am I so overwhelmed, I thought you set me free? He whispered, you are free, unlock the chains and step out of the weights that you have placed onto yourself. Be Free! Live in the Freedom that I have given to you. Only Follow Me and Abide in my love.

Have you been here? Are you struggling with things over and over again? Stop weighing yourself down with all of this and step aside from it all. You were called to be free.


Father,
thank you for loving me and setting me free. Thank you for giving me time to figure it out and to finally let go of the weights and the burdens that were causing so much pain and stress. Praise Jesus that you have given us everything we need for a life of blessing and of freedom. Help me to walk away from anything that would entangle me into a life of captivity.

I am Free

Many of us understand what bondage feels like. We feel like chains may be wrapped around multiple times constricting us with each action we make. I, personally, want to break free from the chains, and to live a life filled with God’s grace.

Our battlegrounds may be different but the thing we have in common is the weighty feeling of being held hostage within our own chains.Do you think about how you will ever get away from these chains? from your past, from the things that have held you back?

My story

In previous posts I shared about my own struggle to be healed from sexual abuse. Read the story here. Throughout this journey,  I felt as if my past were suffocating me.   It kept me from moving forward.

Even after I had faced my past, looked at the areas that needed to be healed, gave it to God and forgiven the man who had hurt me, every once in a while, the chain would wrap itself around my thoughts once again. My need to be in control at all times is a direct result of this chain! If I am in control then no one can hurt me, take advantage of me ever again. This is a biggy in my life and it was effecting my relationship with my husband, my children and with God. "Would this ever be gone?", I often thought.

The thing about getting past your past is realizing that it will keep resurfacing until you are able to finally put it to death!

Your past may be 

disappointment, 

divorce, 

abuse, 

deep hurts, 

regrets of sin,

 death, 

abandonment 

pain. 

We all have something that just keeps holding on. It is a chain that drags us down. The chains of the past! It makes me think of Scrooge. Ghosts of Christmas past! They all played a role in keeping him stuck. A prisoner.

Praise God that there is freedom!

Before we can talk about moving forward it is important to look at what has chained us down.  

Take a moment and answer this question.

I feel chained down by ___________________________________________

To move forward it is important to do two things. Identify the chain and examine what God's word says.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

His desire for us is that we would live in freedom. Today you can be free of whatever has enslaved you. You do not have to live in your past any longer!

    1. I am Free!

I will walk about in Freedom,                                      Psalm 119:45

Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is Freedom.         II Corinthians 3:17

You have Freed me from my chains.                                 Psalm 116:16

God promises us freedom and more in Isaiah 61:1  Take some time and look at His many promises!

You are free even if you don’t feel it! You are free! 

Father, thank you for declaring us free! Show us what your freedom looks and feels like. We are grateful children.

Part 2 will be coming soon

Can you Handle the Truth?

"I’m not gonna look!, I’m not gonna even step on that scale!  I know that I have gained weight, why do I want to feel judged? I am just going to avoid it until I am ready!"

Ever been here?

My husband has been out of town, and with no one at home, my eating and sleeping schedule has been less than normal. Usually, I have meals at the same time and my sleeping patterns are consistent. Not this week!

• I went to bed later, got up later!
• Ate a bowl of ice cream for dinner or just had tortilla chips!
• Snacked on peanut butter m&m’s, pretzels and a variety of other not so good for you morsels.

In the midst of all of this I saw the scale.  Most of the time I hop on to check my weight, make sure that things are on the right track and adjust my eating as necessary.  You might say that I have an honest relationship with it.

Not this week! The scale represented the truth! I did NOT want to know how things were! I did not want to see that I had gained 5 pounds!  Each time I walked by I would mumble, Don’t look at me that way!”

Recently I read an article on Youbeauty.com “Could You Live Without Looking at Yourself? One Woman Swears Off Mirrors for a Year.”  Engeln-Maddox. an engaged woman was not going to look at herself in the mirror until her wedding day!  She was trying to see if it would improve her self confidence and improve her self esteem.  It will be interesting to see how this turns out!

Avoiding the mirror and the scale seem like the same thing to me. They both avoid the truth.

Sometimes we avoid things;

To make us feel better

Because we are afraid of the truth

Because it causes pain

Because we know that they will force us to change

Because it is easier

This morning, I got on the scale. “Time to face reality, I said as I waited for the scale to shout the ugly truth!”  I stood there shocked and amazed. I got off and then I got right back on! How could this be?

The weight, that I was so afraid of knowing, was less than when I had last weighed myself!

The truth will set you free! He will free you from;

Worry

Anxiety

Fear

Poor Self image

Anger

Resentment

Pain

Shame

The unknown

Whatever you have been avoiding, know that the Truth takes away the power of the lie!

Don’t be enslaved by the lie! You can be set free!

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. John 8:32

Father, thank you for sending  the truth to us! Thank you for the freedom that comes from knowing and being known by Jesus! Thank you for encouraging me to get on the scale, face the fear and be set free!