30 years and 30 to go!

Thirty years ago, I married my best friend. We celebrate these years of mission trips, daughters, ministry, the Angels and love. Lots and lots of love. We have spent hours together in church vans, leading students in small groups, watching our daughters play soccer, cheering on our Angels, praying, worshipping, and laughing. Today I celebrate the fact that we have always done it together. God created us to be a team, to be better together than apart and I agree with that statement!

I have learned  many things in these 30 years. Here are a list of my top 10

1. Kevin can be right, I don't always have to be!
2. Listening is always a good idea, except when I first wake up!
3. Coffee with my husband makes me happy.
4. Holding hands puts a smile on my face. :)
5. It's ok to say I need your help.
6. Secrets are not healthy for us.
7. If you want things in the recycle can, I can put them there!
8. The dishwasher can be loaded in many ways.
9. Your kisses melt my heart!
10. God knew that I needed you in my life.

I am never satisfied with what has been, so honey here is to 30 more. It's an opportunity to serve God better, to do more, experience more and love more. Imagine the mission trips when we are 80! 

I can empathize

Empathy, according to DR'S. Les and Leslie Parrott is the ability to get into your spouses skin, to understand where they are coming from.  The more you can see things from their perspective the better your communication will be. 


My husband and I are leading a discussion session with couples using this material from the Parrott's.  Last week we were instructed to take an assessment that helps you figure out if you use more of your head or your heart in your communication style. Take your own assessment here.


The goal is to become more of a balanced communicator. The Parrott's call it being an empathizer. This means that you will use both your head and your heart when communicating with your spouse.


 I was pretty excited to take the assessment.  I like these type of tests. I started answering the questions and soon discovered that I had to make some tough choices in this assessment.  Was I more like this, or this? When I was finished my results were broadcast on the bottom of the page. The assessment gives you 2 scores.  Your heart score and your head score.


When I looked at my scores I was shocked to discover that according to this test, I have very little heart! I had scored only 4 out of 15, in the heart category but had scored a huge amount in the thinking category. Apparently, I am strongly analytical!

It all began to make sense to me, "Oh that is why I just want the facts and not all of the emotional stuff. That is also why it is difficult for me to empathize with people.  I tend to lean toward fixing things for people then towards crying with them. 

There is so much to learn in this area for me. I will be working hard to become more of an empathizer in my marriage.What a blessing to know that God understands that we are a work in progress.  


I am trusting in this verse.

being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6

Father thank you that you know my frailties. Thank you that you are the great high priest who understands us. Show me how to make my marriage stronger by becoming a better communicator. 

Storms of life

Taken by Doug Myers


Storms they are a coming!  How will you hold up under them?
We all worry about things.


Sometimes out of Nowhere a storm can erupt!
Jesus and the disciples were on the Sea of Galilee when a storm came out of No where! The disciples were afraid and Jesus, well he was napping.  


He was not worrying!
He was not having a fit!
He didn't get grumpy and ask the disciples why this was happening!
He just sat there.
Still
Resting!


I think He knew something that we forget.


God has everything under control!
He trusted His father to handle this situation.


Friday I was having a a bit of a storm! 
We were leaving for a marriage retreat 
and let's just say I got my panties in a bunch! 


These things drove me crazy and slightly grumpy!
Our time of departure was delayed! So all the way to this beautiful resort I harbored anger in my heart! Later that evening my expectations of something being done in the way that I wanted had not been met! this storm took me over the edge! 
I began acting just like the disciples! 
 Not trusting, not believing, just looking at the storm! 

I was shouting,  "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!" like the disciples did in Matthew 8

God is faithful! I survived! The storm that seemed to be looming was just a few waves that eventually subsided.


Father, I am sorry for looking at the waves and not at you! You are always faithful, always loving and always provide. Your love overwhelms me! 

It’s Easy to Destroy Relationships—try this!

 

In the middle of the valley of Guadalupe just north of Ensenada, Mexico is the church of Tierra Santa. We have been going to this location for many years to stand alongside of Alejandro and his congregation. Upon arriving, high school students tumbled out of the large dusty white vans and began to unload the trailer of supplies and what seemed like thousands of sleeping bags.

Soon it was time for the evening message and worship. My husband asked if I could walk down to the house and retrieve a bag that had been left in the trailer. He warned me that opening and closing the trailer was difficult and maybe I should have someone come with me to help. I proudly exclaimed, “I got it!”

He handed me the keys and a flashlight and I went alone. I was grateful for a few moments away from the hustle and bustle of the students and briskly set off down the dirt road. Behind the Pastor’s house in the dark was the large white equipment trailer.

Reaching up on my tiptoes, I unlocked the large metal door at the back of the trailer. As I pulled the door down it became a ramp. “That was remarkably easy,” I proudly thought to myself! Shining the flashlight into the back of the trailer, I quickly found the bag and walked out.

This is when the fun began! The door that had so easily opened was now a formidable opponent! It felt as though a thousand pounds was pushing against me! I tried all sorts of creative ways to get that door closed. First, I tried pushing it up halfway and then quickly getting my back under it, but I didn’t have enough strength to close it. After that I climbed up on the bumper and slowly pulled the heavy metal door up, but that ended with me falling off the trailer and landing in the dirt.

While lying in the dirt, pondering what I might do, it occurred to me that I had only two options:

(1) I could leave the trailer open with the contents vulnerable to theft and walk back to tell my husband that I was unable to complete my task, or
(2) I could figure out another way to close it.

Clearly failure was not an option after my bold declaration of “I got it!” At that moment a new thought arose, “use a rope to pull it closed.” Somehow those science classes came rushing back to me and I remembered how to construct a pulley system. MacGyver has nothing on me!

I strutted to the church, bag in hand, ready to proudly deliver it to my husband. As my moment to gloat became closer I was convicted and realized that my husband had simply been looking out for me and it was my pride that blinded me. Getting the bag would have been less of an ordeal if only I would have just heeded his advice to take help.

Scripture warns us over and over again about pride.

Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18

Here are my lessons:

1. We have a hard time loving when we focus on ourselves. If I would have seen my husband’s desire to take care of me, instead of thinking that he saw me as weak, the trailer wouldn’t have been so difficult.

The pride of your heart has deceived you, you who live in the clefts of the rocks and make your home on the heights, you who say to yourself, ‘Who can bring me down to the ground? Obadiah 1:3

2. We have a hard time loving when we think that we are all sufficient. God has created us to need others. My desire to do it by myself clearly missed the mark.

In his pride the wicked man does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God. Psalm 10:3-4

3. We have a hard time loving when we leave God out of the picture. I don’t recall asking God for help during this entire process. Yes, I pretty much tried to do it by myself.

Marriage is difficult enough, don’t let pride be a relationship killer.

• When you are tempted to focus on yourself, remember that pride is a relationship killer.
• When you think that you don’t need anyone’s help, remember that pride is a relationship killer.
• When you think that you can do it without God, remember that pride is a relationship killer.

Question: How does pride affect your relationship with your spouse?

Father, help me to honor, respect and show love to my husband.  Thank you for giving us great examples of how to build a relationship built on your love and grace. Forgive me for being proud. I have been humbled sufficiently!  Jann

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This is a re-post from a guest blog on Dougfields.com

Guest Blog- Lessons from our First Year

I am less than a month away from celebrating my first wedding anniversary with my wife, Alycia. Compared to couples like my grandparents who were married for 60 years, one year doesn’t seem like that much of an accomplishment. Even though it’s only marks 365 days, a one year anniversary is a great time to reflect on the past 12 months and look forward to the next 59 years. Here are some lessons that I learned during my first year of marriage.

Marriage is Boring

Marriage is pretty boring and I mean that in the best way possible. A dating relationship is exciting; every week there’s another date, a new experience or a perfectly planned evening for two. Whether that’s dinner and a musical or a romantic picnic on the beach, dating is full of excitement. Marriage is not that exciting. Alycia and I have had some special dates during the past year and we had a nice little trip to Las Vegas after Christmas. But, for the most part, we would wake up, she would go to school, I would go to work and, at the end of the day, we would have dinner at home. Marriage isn’t very exciting but that’s the best part about it. Dating is the peaks of excitement; marriage is finding the rhythm of a new normal. Marriage is the give and take of two lives coming together as one, like two dance partners learning how to move with the other.  It may not be the world’s most exciting dance, but it is one of its most fulfilling.

Marriage is More Than Two

Genesis 2 says this about marriage:

“This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

Adam forgot to mention the part where the man and woman go back to visit their fathers and mothers every other weekend. Over the past year, Alycia and I have spent a lot of time together, just the two of us. But marriage is more than just the two of us, marriage also involves our families. Marriage means taking all the birthdays, holidays and other celebrations then multiplying them by two. It can be a difficult transition because it means learning and adjusting to a different set of familial norms. How my family interacts is foreign to Alycia and the same goes for me with her family. Over the past year, through all the gatherings and meals together, we’ve had to learn how to interact with each other’s families because marriage is more than two.

Marriage is Great

I recently spent time in Honduras on a mission trip. I was away from Alycia for 10 days and it was almost unbearable. It was hard for me to be away from her, but I felt even worse because I was the one who had left her behind. That longing to simply be with Alycia, though, helped remind me how great marriage is. Some people don’t want to get married; the desire has to grow within them over time. I wasn’t one of those people; I knew that I wanted to get married. And even though it was difficult being away from Alycia, it reminded me how great marriage is and why I always wanted to get married. I love having someone with whom I can live life, whether that’s doing ministry, folding laundry or celebrating another family birthday. Marriage is great and, after one year, I highly recommend it.

While Alycia and I were engaged, we asked a lot of married couples how their first year of marriage went. The answers varied from tremendously easy to the hardest year of their marriage. I think our first year of marriage has been relatively easy even though it’s taken some stretching, learning and re-learning.

 I know in the grand scheme of things one year isn’t that long, but we can’t get to our 60^th wedding anniversary without celebrating our first.

Scott Higa is the Assistant Pastor of Student Ministries at Community Baptist Church in Alta Loma California. You can read more about his thought provoking insights at http://www.thechristiannerd.com

God's plans are always better than our own.

When I was 12 years old I met a boy.  Kevin lived down the street and had two really cute younger brothers. I didn't know it when I first met him, but he was going to be my husband. Nearly every day I spoke with Kevin and we became close friends.  Often we would share with each other about the person that we had a crush on or Kevin and his friends would come over for dinner.  Little by little our worlds became more and more intertwined.


One day my mother abruptly said, "Why don't you like Kevin?"  That thought had never, never, never, crossed my mind.  You see Kevin was nice and he was my friend, but he was not a surfer, or a skater. He just wasn't on my list. He didn't fit into my plan. 

28 years ago I married this boy that wasn't part of my plan, but was the gift that God had for me.  He is my best friend, partner in ministry, life and love!

God's plans are always better than our own. 

My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the LORD. 

"And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. Isaiah 55:8 NLT

• My ideas are limited, His are infinite 
• My resources are limited, His are endless
• My knowledge is limited, His is omnipotent
• My grace is limited, His is all covering
• My gifts are limited, He is the giver of all gifts
• My time is now, His is perfect

Often we are tempted to take matters into our own hands and try to play God.  I believe He knows best and can be trusted!  Sometimes this requires waiting for his perfect timing.  

Father, Thank you for having a way better plan than we could ever have. We are impatient people, short sighted and unable to comprehend how big you really are!  Give us a glimpse of your vastness, of your glory and splendor.  Remind us that we can trust in your plan because You are trustworthy! Living in this trust, Jann