I am Free

Many of us understand what bondage feels like. We feel like chains may be wrapped around multiple times constricting us with each action we make. I, personally, want to break free from the chains, and to live a life filled with God’s grace.

Our battlegrounds may be different but the thing we have in common is the weighty feeling of being held hostage within our own chains.Do you think about how you will ever get away from these chains? from your past, from the things that have held you back?

My story

In previous posts I shared about my own struggle to be healed from sexual abuse. Read the story here. Throughout this journey,  I felt as if my past were suffocating me.   It kept me from moving forward.

Even after I had faced my past, looked at the areas that needed to be healed, gave it to God and forgiven the man who had hurt me, every once in a while, the chain would wrap itself around my thoughts once again. My need to be in control at all times is a direct result of this chain! If I am in control then no one can hurt me, take advantage of me ever again. This is a biggy in my life and it was effecting my relationship with my husband, my children and with God. "Would this ever be gone?", I often thought.

The thing about getting past your past is realizing that it will keep resurfacing until you are able to finally put it to death!

Your past may be 

disappointment, 

divorce, 

abuse, 

deep hurts, 

regrets of sin,

 death, 

abandonment 

pain. 

We all have something that just keeps holding on. It is a chain that drags us down. The chains of the past! It makes me think of Scrooge. Ghosts of Christmas past! They all played a role in keeping him stuck. A prisoner.

Praise God that there is freedom!

Before we can talk about moving forward it is important to look at what has chained us down.  

Take a moment and answer this question.

I feel chained down by ___________________________________________

To move forward it is important to do two things. Identify the chain and examine what God's word says.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

His desire for us is that we would live in freedom. Today you can be free of whatever has enslaved you. You do not have to live in your past any longer!

    1. I am Free!

I will walk about in Freedom,                                      Psalm 119:45

Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is Freedom.         II Corinthians 3:17

You have Freed me from my chains.                                 Psalm 116:16

God promises us freedom and more in Isaiah 61:1  Take some time and look at His many promises!

You are free even if you don’t feel it! You are free! 

Father, thank you for declaring us free! Show us what your freedom looks and feels like. We are grateful children.

Part 2 will be coming soon

Looking for Love

Years ago when I was in middle school I longed for love. Not the average everyday middle school crushes but love. I was searching for it, desperately seeking for what seemed to missing. This search resulted in a variety of troubled situations that I found myself in.The song lyrics are flooding my brain, "Looking for love in all the wrong places".  

As I searched for this evasive love in relationships, activities and drinking I found plenty of wrong places. Even now over 30 years later, I have to fight against the feelings of shame and confusion as I recount the choices that I made as a young girl searching for love.

That time was so confusing to me. My family was loving, caring and nothing bad had happened in my life. We didn't attend church, but I had learned about Jesus at Released Time Christian Education in elementary school and was trying to know more about Him. Why was I so consumed with wanting to feel loved? This search which led me down paths that were so dangerous continued for several years.

One glorious night in my first year of high school as I sat with hundreds of students, my heart found what I had been searching for. The message of Jesus, his unconditional love and forgiveness were explained to me. "I want that!" 

 It didn't matter what I had done, or what others had done to me, what paths I had walked or ran down, all that mattered was His grace, His love, His sacrifice, Jesus.

I couldn't believe it, My search was over! The search yes, but the past had only just begun to haunt me. I still struggled. Two years later the real reason why I had been searching for love became apparent to me. One night my dreams were filled with reoccurring unsettling scenes of a young girl and man alone together. This was the first time that any memories of being abused had surfaced. God had protected me by suppressing the memories.

When I awoke, everything made sense. The confusion about love, the endless searching for acceptance and self worth, the desperation to belong all became very clear. All I knew was that Jesus was with me and that He would lead me through the healing that was necessary.

His Grace has been showered onto me. 

His grace has restored what had been taken. 

His grace has filled my heart with singing. 

His grace has given me a hope and a future.

Living through this has been a difficult road. One that has required work, prayer, grace and forgiveness. I will be sharing more about this in future posts.

We all have a past, we all have made choices that haunt us, we all need His grace to cover us and restore us. Thank you Lord for showering us with your grace, loving sacrifice, forgiveness and peace.

To learn more about My grace story part 2 "The Invitation"