Guest Blog -My Grace story

My story is one of His Grace, Love and Forgiveness.  Fifteen years ago I was in a very different place in my life.  I was in a relationship with a man that was far from Honoring God in any way.  I became pregnant, we really never discussed it with each other, and his response to me was to give me the money for an abortion.  That told me that he did not intend to support me if I decided to keep the baby.  I was young and did not have the means to support myself very well let alone myself and a child.  I did not want to shame my family or become a statistic of unwed mothers with children.  So I decided it would be best to terminate my pregnancy.

I made and appointment with the clinic, the day of my appointment was a beautiful bright sunny day in the middle of August.  They took me back and did what they call counseling.  This is where they tell you that your baby is not a baby; it is just a clump of cells.  At this point I am ready to get this over with.  The next step was to do an ultrasound to see how far along I was, which turned out that I was about 6 ½ weeks along, so they told me that they could do the procedure with no problems.  You must be at least 6 weeks pregnant before they will do the procedure.  The next room they put me in was the actual procedure room.  It was very sterile and white; the procedure table was directly under a skylight.  As I lay there waiting for this to be done, all I could do was feel like I was making the worst mistake of my life.  It was too late, the procedure had already started. 

All I could do was stare out at the clear blue sky as this happened.  My thoughts at that time were all of God and how it was as if He had a window to my soul that day.  I did not like how I was feeling as this all came to an end that day.

I went home that evening and tried to justify what I had done, I did this for several days without really telling anyone  (one friend did go with me and try to talk me out of it, but my mind was made up that day).  This friend was amazing, she was there to talk to and did not judge me for what I had done.  As the week went on the guilt of what I had done was eating me alive.  The following weekend I tried to commit suicide by swallowing a bunch of pills. 

As I sat on my bed waiting for the pills to take affect I heard a voice say to me “RaeAnn, this is not what I want for your life.”  And in one swift movement I was regurgitating the pills.  

Later  I talked with my one friend and she suggested that I talk to someone that we worked with.  This lady’s husband was a youth pastor at a church.  She thought that maybe this lady would be able to talk with me and help me through this or maybe her husband would be able to point me in the right direction for some help.

I did meet with this lady and her husband about 2 weeks after my abortion at their church, he made some calls on my behalf the following week and found a Bible based abortion recovery program called Mourning Joy Ministries.  I went with it but was a bit unsure of how I felt about this at first. I was afraid that God would never be able to forgive me for what I had done.

The youth pastor’s wife went with me for my initial meeting with the leader of the recovery group and I did feel a little better about things as far as going through with this group thing.  In the meantime I continued attending their church every Sunday and along with going through the recovery program I began to see just how God sees His children.  I was amazed at the love and forgiveness that I was experiencing. 

This verse helped me to understand how God saw me:

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  Psalm 139:13-15

As I continued to dwell on that verse and go to my group and church,  my life began to change and for the first time ever in my life I knew what It meant to want to live for someone Greater than myself.  Six months later I made a Profession of Faith in this church. Later I began to serve in our youth ministry and have been serving God ever since.

It is amazing how God works. He can will take something so terrible and bring something good from it.  I have had the privilege to share about my experience with others at events and in a ministry to help others that have been through the same thing, so they too may experience God’s Grace and Forgiveness.

Please remember this, 

for it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God. Ephesians 2:8

 I also believe that there are no chance happenings in life.  God places people in your path for a reason.  My two friends that helped me through this horrible time in my life were a huge part in me turning my life over to Christ.  If it had not been for their love and support I do not know what may have become of my life.  But because of Christ in them, they loved me and did not judge me & they taught me what it is to be Christ Like.  I am eternally grateful to them for investing so much into my life. 

RaeAnn

Thank you for sharing your story of God's healing grace with us RaeAnn!

For more information

www.abortionrecovery.org is the ARIN network which stands for Abortion Recovery International  & is based in California has a lot of information for almost any place internationally .  They have a 24 hour help line 1-800-712-4357

www.hopeafterabortion.com is a link to Project Rachel for people in the Catholic denomination all over the United States.

www.michiganpregnancy.com is in the state of Michigan – Michigan Pregnancy Resource Centers