It has been a while

I think that I have been in a period of reflection for long enough! 

Sometimes I require time away, time alone and time to just be.  In my life as a mother, teacher, pastor's wife, and women's ministry director it can be so difficult to be still, to spend time reflecting, to just, stop.  When there are times that I am forced to stop I usually do not like it! I am inwardly like a 2 year old that kicks and screams, throwing themselves on the floor, crying until they fall asleep. It is difficult for me to be still. because the lists just keep on going, on and on they fill my mind of what is to come, what needs to be done, the people that I must talk to.

Recently I was lavished with a hot stone massage, let me say, Fabulous!  The tension was gone mixed with soothing warmth. Even in the midst of this restful time, my mind began to create a list. In between these moments of silence, my mind was still at work, trying to create order of my life.  I was not still! 

This fight of mine is not new. When I was a little girl I would make up scenarios of Donny Osmond coming to my town and falling in love with me.  My mind would rehearse the moment that we would meet, I would practice saying hello, with just the right smirk and eye contact. How could he not fall head over heels in love with me?

When there have been difficult situations with tough topics, I have rehearsed the conversation to think through the possibilities. 

I am sure that I have done all of this rehearsing because it quiets my mind. It takes some of the anxiety away. Ultimately it soothes my need to be in control.

When I do finally give in to the rest, to completely allow the Spirit to intercede, and speak into my soul it is then and only then that I am fully rested, at peace and able to move forward in the confidence that God goes before me. 

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:8


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