Sorrow and Joy

You know it’s eventually coming. Difficult times, testing of your faith, those moments that take your breath away. We prepare for them, we say we have faith in the midst of them, we sing songs that declare, “I believe in the power of Jesus”. I will stand firm.

We cling to the truth, “to be strong and courageous“. And then it comes, the moment that we prepared for. It is in that moment that we realize, nothing can prepare you.

We can only hold on to the One who holds the future, take a deep breath of the Holy Spirit and ask Him to fill us with His strength, power and His peace that passes understanding.

Watching my mom struggle with health issues and dementia has been one of those moments. While I was weeping just this morning my husband asked me, “What brings the tears”? My response was that there’s so many things that bring the tears.  I thought I would share them with you today.

I weep

for what has been lost

for what is being taken away-her memories, her ability to think clearly.

for the unknown because, I do not know how long I’ll have her.

because, I know she’s frustrated and feels so alone.

because, I don’t know what to do

because, selfishly I want it to be over

and I’m not quite sure if I’m strong enough to walk through it.

It’s a good thing that I know Jesus! It’s a good thing that my mom knows Jesus and that even in her confusion He is with her, that he loves her, and he has prepared a place for her.

Today I choose joy in the unknown. These moments with my mom have taught me that I don’t have to have it together. It’s ok if my mom doesn’t have to have her memories because we know the One who holds the future. It is He who is holds her in His arms and who loves and cherishes her.

I choose joy today because, He did not give me a spirit of fear but of a sound mind and of power and I rejoice in that today.

I still believe in His goodness and embrace the joy that is found in Him alone!